By Vera Ezimora
Whether you are aware of it or not, many inter-tribal relationships have died an untimely death because of the tribal differences between the couple. Parents, elders, and friends have rained down fire and brimstone to see to it that this sacrilegious union does not get to the altar. The strong couples come out of it beaten, bruised, but alive nonetheless. The weaker ones — well, they inspire me to write this.
Couples who are NOT the people I’m talking about (but who look good on my blog)
The most popular union seems to be the one between the Igbos and the Yorubas. With this in mind, I have compiled a list, specially for everyone who is currently in such a relationship. If you have been pressured into breaking up because of tribal differences and you have no idea why you should – or if you should, then I am here to help you make that decision. Please read, digest, and understand the lists below.
Reasons Igbos Should NOT Marry Yorubas:
1. They’re dirty.
2. All they know how to do is party.
3. They eat too much oil.
4. Their women flirt/sleep around too much.
5. Their men will ALWAYS cheat with a Yoruba woman.
6. They are loud and obnoxious. You can hear them from a mile away.
7. They are wild. They are the real “Akata” people.
8. They are Nigeria’s problem.
9. They don’t understand the Igbo culture.
10. They do too much juju.
11. They betrayed the Igbos during the Biafran war.
12. And to top the list, they are not Igbo.
Reasons Yorubas Should NOT Marry Igbos:
1. They’re rude; they have no respect.
2. All they know how to do is chase money.
3. Their pounded yam is as hard as stone.
4. They don’t put enough oil and spice in their food.
5. Their in-laws are wicked! The husband’s family will always maltreat the woman.
6. They cannot speak Yoruba, and even if they can, they do not know our culture.
7. They will sell their brother for money.
8. They won’t let us play our fuji music at home.
9. They’re Nigeria’s problem. They keep trying to divide us.
10. When their women die, their bodies have to be returned to Igbo Land to be buried.
11. They eat human beings.
12. And the mother of all crimes, they are not Yoruba.
Top 12 Reasons You Should NOT Consider Before Getting Married
1. He/she does not appreciate you.
2. He/she has a turbulent past and a shaky present.
3. He/she can never be faithful to you. And you know this.
4. You have nothing in common, except your tribe, of course.
5. Your dreams, values, and aspirations couldn’t be further apart from each other – even if you stretched them thin.
6. He/she just doesn’t get you.
7. He/she knows how to bring out the worst in you.
8. You cannot quite place your finger on it, but you know that something isn’t right with this relationship.
9. You know that you know that you know that you cannot count on him/her to be there when you need him/her.
10. He/she has no ambition whatsoever.
11. Even with a gun to your head, you cannot vouch for him/her.
12. And the least of all, he/she has done nothing to imply that he/she might be remotely in love with you.
Bonus reason: he/she continuously picks his/her friends and family over you.
If you find yourself confused by the tone of this list, go back to the beginning and read it again till the end. And just like the tributes in The Hunger Games, may the odds be ever in your favor.
Alternatively, you can find a partner who is Chinese-Iraqi, born in India, and fluent in Portuguese and Italian. There is no list for that. Yet.