By Chinelo Nwanze
Many people say I do without discussing the important parts of their new life together. These five questions are some of the questions my husband and I asked one another during the first month after we met. I am not saying you have to agree, but it helps you put things in perspective and lets you know exactly where your spouse stands.
It gives you an idea of what you need to work out before you get married. But more importantly, it lets you know if you are actually making the right decision.
- Will we have children, how many, will you change diapers, will they be raised by nannies or us?
Before couples say I do, they should find out if the other person wants kids, how many, will they be an involved parent, when should the having children part begin? As in how long after marriage. What schools should they attend? When should they start school? Will they have breast milk? If so how long, when will they start with solid foods? These details may appear petty, but as they say- the devil is in the details. Ignoring these questions could precipitate a miserable and short-lived marriage.
- Will we both work? Will one of us? If the mother will be a stay at home mom, how long?
Most people go into marriage with the same routine they had as a single person, same work schedule, same after work routine without now realizing that they have a spouse or kid(s) at home waiting for them. It is very important to discuss these things ab initio. This is because even if one of you decide to stay home with the kids; the other spouse still needs to relieve the other person by spending quality time with the kids too. If these details are not ironed out, it can become complicated and put strain on the marriage.
- How important is religion? How will we celebrate religious Holidays? What side of the family will we spend each holiday with?
If you and your spouse do not share the same religious beliefs, it can be quite challenging to decide which religion your family will practice. It is also important to establish which side of the family gets what holidays early on. And also where thee kids will go to spend the holidays
- Is my debt your debt? Will you be willing to bail me out?
When you are planning to get married; it is extremely pivotal to discuss finances. How will all the bills be handled? Will it be a joint venture? Or will all financial responsibilities still stay separated? If you live in America, the question of existing student loans become of prime importance. There are several people with close to six figures in student loans. Is this something you want to take on?
- How Important is intercourse to you?
I know this is a very dicey subject for many people to discuss. Women do not want to discuss it because they believe it will make them look like a tramp and some men do not want to bring it up because they think the woman should know what her duties are as a wife, after all your body is his now.